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Thursday, December 7, 2000

Dear Kelly,

This gets more personal than the letters I have read, but here goes... my husband has been sexually "deprived" ever since we were first married due to my endometriosis. I have had it removed via surgery twice and it is almost cured. since the fibro has gotten bad, I have lost all flexibility and strength, so I cannot do the normal sexual positions. (i.e., cannot spread my legs very far, cannot hold myself on arms and legs, get cramps in legs and back) is there a guide on easier positions? I once saw that the arthritis foundation has a brochure, but I have searched all over their site to no avail. do other people have trouble with sex being good or exciting due to the fact that only one position seems to work, coupled with no spontaneity?

thanks for any help,

Carmen in Indiana

Dear Carmen,

Your situation is not unusual for people with chronic pain disorders and or inability to have full range of motion with all extremities. Have you considered the "spoon position" or just lying on your stomach and having your partner on top of you in the "push up" position? These are ways that you will not have to do any of the work or use any muscular strength with little spreading of your legs. As far as the spontaneity goes..... yes, most all of us have dulled sensory stimulation in "that" area also. Many are unable to bring about an orgasm even through masturbation. The problem is that it is either too painful, too exhausting or that there is lacking in sensation. 

I am not familiar with the Arthritis Foundation brochure, but should I come across it, I will post where it is available.


While it is true that most partners/spouses of people with chronic illnesses such as what we suffer are "sexually deprived", the fact remains that we (the chronically ill) are deprived in most every other area of our lives.  Please be kind to yourself and do something which makes you feel good.
Best to you,